Now it’s weekend again and it took a lot of coffee today. I have written a brand new song just a few lines left . Will try to do the last few lines now tonight when I am up and running. The song is a song that has been trying to get out now for a long time but I finally have been able to write it down. I am still blocked from a lot of the things that have happened. But through the music so I’ll get out my feelings. I don’t know how I feel when I tell them how I feel, then I’m blocked. I know when I write my music. I know when I put the words on the paper one word at a time for a small second. It is the closest I can come to my feelings regarding the things that have been tough. I don’t get out it this way so I don’t know what I’m doing. Therefore, it is this that I do. I can’t be bothered with myself when I have all of these experiences and words of different events and emotions within me.
I go in and experiencing all of these painful events in order to be able to process them. Be able to provide every word and every feeling in my way. The stronger person that I am today is the one who goes in and somehow fix it that has been traumatic. As I am so blocked in and there that might get me instinctively to be blocked in the simplest everyday thing. The thing that gets me to panic sometimes. I can’t go with everything within me, for it gets too heavy. It has taken many years but I’m now so strong that it is time for me to find my inner fight. I’m digging up things that I have not been able to handle before. I`m digging up everything for today, so I will fight with my own blocked the traumatic emotions. It feels like I’m attacking myself for it is an internal fight. I am so glad that this time came in my life. I never thought I could feel this good as I do today. It was possible, and I’m stubborn. Feels great that I finally can start to work on my blockages. They loose more when I write my music and when I blog.